I felt it coming on about 2 weeks in. One night I was brushing my teeth and realized that I was in a 'eap of trouble: I was starting to love it here. I have this obnoxious tendency to love everywhere I am. So, every time I go somewhere new I add another place to the ill-fated list of places and people loved and left behind. People are a little easier than places. With Skype and Facebook and Whatsapp, I'm still very socially(ish) connected.
All the more reason to love being in Lebanon, right? I literally feel like I'm starting to lose my English, and very poorly-understood Arabic words are flooding my head. I can now tell you about classic Arab instruments and songs, perform a stage-version of the debke (the Lebanese national dance), and even cook a few traditional Lebanese foods. I can order a taxi, arrange a trip, brief you on Lebanese politics, and refill the propane tank for our stove. I have favorite places now, and not just restaurants. Even more significantly, I'm starting to recognize people while I'm out and about. "Oh look, there's so and so. Let's go say hi." Aye, aye, aye. When I leave here, I'll miss it all. And I'll know what that feels like, because I already feel that way about several places.
I miss Columbia, where I lived with one of my best friends in a quirky, adventurous, and craft-filled house. I was 1 minute from my church, 2 minutes from my bank, 3 minutes from my grocery store, 4 minutes from Moe's, 5 minutes from my gym, 10 minutes from Chick-fila and Target, l5 minutes from my best friend and about a dozen more amigas, and 0 minutes from my dog. Even if I move back to Columbia in July, I know I'll never get that life back. The people may still be there (also the dog.), so the most valuable parts don't fade away, but it was a sweet time, and I was content. It was bittersweet to go.
Heraclitus said, "You cannot step into the same river twice" (or some version of that), just as I can't go back to being a kid on the family farm in WV. I can't stop by my grandmas whenever I like. Now I have to pick up the phone and call. How are we supposed to play Rummy that way!? My mom, aunt, and cousins don't all live next door to each other. On an average day, I can't look out my window and see a 4-wheeler go by with about 5 of my 2nd cousins hanging off of it. I can't go for a run and smell the crisp farm air with cattle lowing in the background, and then go and ruin the whole workout by pounding down an entire order of douby douby bread from Angelo's. I'm mean here in Beirut I have to do that with crepes...
You see what I mean? I love where I was. I love where I am now, and most of the places in between. With each season there comes the wonder of the new, and the wistfulness of the old. These simple 12x12 canvases are nostalgic, but also telling; a little bit of my heart is in each of these places.
I'm sure the point of a photo-a-day topic about emotion is to show a photo that captures the emotion, and here I've done gone and done it with a few hundred words. I'll try to do better tomorrow, when I aim to have an impressive "Something Close-Up" photo that both captures the experience of me running a 10k in the Beirut and celebrates my 100th blog post. Pins and needles, I know.
Favorite post yet. I love this.
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