Today I ran a 5k and I made awful time. As I was plugging away, watching the people in front of me grow fainter and more distant, I had a recurring thought that went something like this, "Why am I in such bad shape? I mean, I know I've been busy, but I should seriously make more time for exercise." I have great intentions. They don't often get me to the gym, but they're grand none-the-less.
I continued to mentally berate myself, which honestly probably had as much to do with it being morning as it did with me dragging myself all over Earlewood Park. Side Note: I walked up to the starting line and a guy from my church exclaimed, "Not a morning person, aye?" Good to know that it's written across my face. But back to the main point...
As I continued to give myself a hard time, I recalled waking up from my second knee surgery 12 years ago, bleary eyed, my surgeon saying quietly, "It didn't go as we expected." I went in to get a scope, and came out with a complete knee reconstruction. "You were on the table for four hours, and it's the most extensive soft-tissue surgery I've ever done. You'll have constant knee pain. You'll never be able to run again." Come again?
After 50+ knee dislocations and 2 knee surgeries, I do have constant pain in my knees. When I was plodding in the wee hours this morning, I realized I'm fortunate to just be running at all. Why do I beat myself up about all the distance I haven't covered, and fail to see the progress I've already made? Classic Christi.
And then I realized that I've been doing this all year.
It's been a hard year. Many things have come along that have shown me how much growing I still need to do. There have been times I've been so disappointed in what I see in my character. There have been times I've wondered that why, as a fully-fledged adult (at least by age), I don't know how to handle something. There have been times I've realized I still make big deals out of small things and small deals out of big things. It's like I'm still being calibrated. It's frustrating.
This year I've often wished I were closer to Jesus, knew the Bible better, and heard the Spirit more.
Interestingly, when I've brought this up with others recently, they often tell me how great I am! I know my gleaming exterior and flawless social skills easily leave the impression that I'm about as great as I can be, but I promise I still have some sanctification left to be done. "For the Bible tells me so..."
And isn't that the rub of it? At the end of the day, I only actually care about what God thinks of my character and faithfulness this past year. And reflecting with Him looks like it's going to be more of a prayerful process than a quick Q and A. Classic God.
Let me say this clearly. Followers of Christ have to take His call to "Be holy as I am holy*" seriously. The sin that still remains in my life not only affects me, but also the people around me and my perspective and worship of a wonderful, deserving, loving God. If Christianity were the mere management of this sin, what hope would I have? It's like the Lord knew what He was doing when He decided I couldn't really improve my way out of sin and instead moved heaven and earth to grant me His Son's righteousness.* My starting ground for sanctification is "peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ.*" From that safe foundation, I can admit I see some concerning spiritual fruit on my tree.*
Yet, as I trudge past houses perched on hills and cheerful onlookers, I'm encouraged to give myself the same grace towards my person that I should give towards my 80-year-old's knees. Yes, I have much more growing to do in becoming like Christ, and God's gracious and persistent love that shows me this.* But as I think back over the past 10 years of walking closely with God, I'm reminded that He's already transformed me about 100 times over. Every two years I look at the person I was two years prior and think, "I'm a whole new person." He is being faithful to finish the good work He began in me.* I have to celebrate how far we've come, even in light of the 2 miles, err, great distance still left until I've given Christ the full devotion He's due.
My Christian life began with God, it's advanced and maintained by God, and it will be completed by God. And sometimes I have to remember that the story is really about Him, and all the great work He gets credit for.* That's about the only thing that will lift my eyes up off of the dewy asphalt and thudding running shoes and let me embrace all the distance that's still left to be covered.
I continued to mentally berate myself, which honestly probably had as much to do with it being morning as it did with me dragging myself all over Earlewood Park. Side Note: I walked up to the starting line and a guy from my church exclaimed, "Not a morning person, aye?" Good to know that it's written across my face. But back to the main point...
As I continued to give myself a hard time, I recalled waking up from my second knee surgery 12 years ago, bleary eyed, my surgeon saying quietly, "It didn't go as we expected." I went in to get a scope, and came out with a complete knee reconstruction. "You were on the table for four hours, and it's the most extensive soft-tissue surgery I've ever done. You'll have constant knee pain. You'll never be able to run again." Come again?
After 50+ knee dislocations and 2 knee surgeries, I do have constant pain in my knees. When I was plodding in the wee hours this morning, I realized I'm fortunate to just be running at all. Why do I beat myself up about all the distance I haven't covered, and fail to see the progress I've already made? Classic Christi.
And then I realized that I've been doing this all year.
It's been a hard year. Many things have come along that have shown me how much growing I still need to do. There have been times I've been so disappointed in what I see in my character. There have been times I've wondered that why, as a fully-fledged adult (at least by age), I don't know how to handle something. There have been times I've realized I still make big deals out of small things and small deals out of big things. It's like I'm still being calibrated. It's frustrating.
This year I've often wished I were closer to Jesus, knew the Bible better, and heard the Spirit more.
Interestingly, when I've brought this up with others recently, they often tell me how great I am! I know my gleaming exterior and flawless social skills easily leave the impression that I'm about as great as I can be, but I promise I still have some sanctification left to be done. "For the Bible tells me so..."
And isn't that the rub of it? At the end of the day, I only actually care about what God thinks of my character and faithfulness this past year. And reflecting with Him looks like it's going to be more of a prayerful process than a quick Q and A. Classic God.
Let me say this clearly. Followers of Christ have to take His call to "Be holy as I am holy*" seriously. The sin that still remains in my life not only affects me, but also the people around me and my perspective and worship of a wonderful, deserving, loving God. If Christianity were the mere management of this sin, what hope would I have? It's like the Lord knew what He was doing when He decided I couldn't really improve my way out of sin and instead moved heaven and earth to grant me His Son's righteousness.* My starting ground for sanctification is "peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ.*" From that safe foundation, I can admit I see some concerning spiritual fruit on my tree.*
Yet, as I trudge past houses perched on hills and cheerful onlookers, I'm encouraged to give myself the same grace towards my person that I should give towards my 80-year-old's knees. Yes, I have much more growing to do in becoming like Christ, and God's gracious and persistent love that shows me this.* But as I think back over the past 10 years of walking closely with God, I'm reminded that He's already transformed me about 100 times over. Every two years I look at the person I was two years prior and think, "I'm a whole new person." He is being faithful to finish the good work He began in me.* I have to celebrate how far we've come, even in light of the 2 miles, err, great distance still left until I've given Christ the full devotion He's due.
My Christian life began with God, it's advanced and maintained by God, and it will be completed by God. And sometimes I have to remember that the story is really about Him, and all the great work He gets credit for.* That's about the only thing that will lift my eyes up off of the dewy asphalt and thudding running shoes and let me embrace all the distance that's still left to be covered.
------------
*Being a teacher at heart, I couldn't help but footnote some Bible verses that are sources for many of my thoughts above, in the order from the post. These verses are tried and true supports and encouragements in my life. - "But as he who called you is holy, you also be holy in all your conduct, since it is written, 'You shall be holy, for I am holy.'" (1 Peter 1:15-16)
- "For our sake he made him to be sin who knew no sin, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God." (2 Corinthians 5:21)
- "Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come." (2 Corinthians 5:17)
- "Therefore, since we have been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ." (Romans 5:1)
- "Search me, O God, and know my heart! Try me and know my thoughts! And see if there be any grievous way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting!" (Psalms 139:23-24)
- "For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it." (Hebrews 12:11)
- "And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ." (Philippians 1:6)
- "Now to him who is able to keep you from stumbling and to present you blameless before the presence of his glory with great joy, to the only God, our Savior, through Jesus Christ our Lord, be glory, majesty, dominion, and authority, before all time and now and forever. Amen." (Jude 1:24-25)
I used a lot of Christianese in this post, so if anything here confuses you, or is something you would like to sincerely discuss further, I would be glad to speak with you!
Before I got to that second to last paragraph I was screaming, "GRACE!" And then you said it. Grace, my friend.
ReplyDeleteI'm a slow runner. You are welcome to slow run with me this summer but it will have to be early in the morning since I can barely handle the heat of mid-morning there.
"I'm reminded that He's already transformed me about 100 times over." Ahh, how true is that statement. When I think of all of the growth I need to make, it's a great reminder to look back and see how much God already worked in my life. Thanks for posting! 😊
ReplyDelete